The innocent can never last

Does romantic involvement make you less competitive in your professional life? What is more important – to be happy and spend more time with your loved one(s) or lead a thriving professional life, in which leisure time is scarce and working hours are long? The choice might sound easy for some of us yuppies, but the question remains and it is being answered by different people in different ways…

It might be an overstatement to say that presently the Romanian society is in a development phase - it has been said so many times before. This means that personal success is measured in the money being made, the number of home appliances present in the (but of course…) modernly decorated flat and the brand of the car stationed in front of the house (“c’mon, still a Ford man?… bah, I just got a jeepie…”). It’s difficult to hold on to a romantic relationship with a “Make more money” mindset. What I mean here transcends the need for financial stability – it is the point where you start indulging in the “More is good” thought, where you forget how to stop and start neglecting everything and everyone around you because you get so tied up in your daily to do’s, that you quit understanding any of what is going on around you…

Trying to separate the work life from the personal life is indeed difficult. The two interconnect and mingle in a way that would not have been thought possible only some years ago. I think the worst part about this is that you come to set the value scale wrong – by using the professional benchmark to measure your personal success.

Soon, I will change the focus of this blog. Professional vs personal life is indeed a captivating topic, but I might be in the wrong by overstressing it the way I have been, lately...

It was a long sad supper without you
I had to be cruel to be kind
We have to leave the past behind
La la la
And isn't it strange how people can change
And isn't it weird how people I feared
They all seem worthless now
(The Cranberries, Sorry Son)

The coming of age

We live in our own little castles by the sea or in the mountains – close to our dreams, nourishing them and painting them time and time again with our beautiful colours, growing them big and fluffy, like home pets or fairies kept in golden cages. We indulge in thinking they only belong to us and only are there to light our way from one breath of darkness to another.

What about the fulfillment of those dreams? What about that church photography session planned for years, what about that long-forgotten visit to meaningful professors, what about that book meant to be read for years and postponed for so long…? More than our daily (and successful) office life and dearly beloved laptops, broadband Internet connections and mobile phones (oh my mobile phones… what would I be without you…), eating in fancy restaurants and daily information exchange to mostly intelligent and understanding people, it is the hope that sometime we will fulfill all those wishes we kept so well-hidden inside us that raises our look past our day’s multitasking.

I’ve been coming of age lately… since I have started to dare enter some of my dreams and not only grow them (and myself) old.

Let me take you on a trip
Around the world and back
And you won't have to move
You just sit still
Now let your mind do the walking
And let my body do the talking
Let me show you the world in my eyes
(Depeche Mode, World in My Eyes)

Snowblind

Just an addition to what I wrote yesterday about listening more to others: admitting that one is wrong and saying sorry the right way (so that the other one really feels the repentance) is something few people can do (or at least few people I met). More than that, it is important to understand what has upset the other and try not to repeat it again.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line.
(Johnny Cash, I Walk the Line)

I have learned by now - there never is an easy way

To think that people are essentially bad or good, just because you keep seeing them every day in the same circumstances, is a form of self-centered thinking (aka solipsism) which is widely spread in today’s offices. We never listen to what others have to say and indulge ourselves in some kind of impression that all we see, think and feel must be correct. Alignment with others happens without control, and it is often found that such alignment comes much too late to do anything.

There comes a moment for each of us when we realize that without the ones around us we are nothing, that life cannot be lead in a “splendid isolation” in which decisions are being taken without understanding the needs of the ones around us, as well, a point in which not one conversation is fruitless and not one interaction with people lacks meaning.

“It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.” (Anne Frank, Diary)

This morning I got reminded of the song Never an easy way, by Morcheeba.

I think I slip the net,
But I cut myself free,
I'm not losing yet,
So don't forget me.

We got other things besides the sun. The rainbow, for example

VERGNÜGUNGEN von Bertolt Brecht

Der erste Blick aus dem Fenster am Morgen
Das wiedergefundene alte Buch
Begeisterte Gesichter
Schnee
der Wechsel der Jahreszeiten
Die Zeitung
Der Hund
Die Dialektik
Duschen
Schwimmen
Alte Musik
Bequeme Schuhe
Begreifen
Neue Musik
Schreiben
Pflanzen
Reisen
Singen
Freundlich sein. = Being friendly. Even to taxidrivers who get you to work in time. Even if they are paid for this, even if you will never see them again in your life, there is nothing more rewarding for anyone than to feel their work and what they do for you is truly appreciated.

Have a wonderful day, all of you.

How could I ever think it wasn't true... ?

Information overload is an issue every one of us has had to deal with at some point in their professional or personal lives. The usual feeling relating to overload relates to personal efficiency, to not being "good enough" for all there is to do, to lose grip and not to be able to return to a single point. In my experience, the absence of clear boundaries between personal and work life leads to situations that can make a mess out of otherwise calm and organised individuals. Work needs to end in the evening and make place to a piece of intimacy with oneself. In the evening, I want to be able to shut all my files, store my laptop in some part of the house and relax by drinking some tea or having a bath.

As Kazuo Ishiguro puts it (in a slightly different context, though), "the evening is the best part of the day". After working long hours, one needs to come back to oneself, focus on the person one truly is and leave the office mask aside. In the evening, colours are finally true.

Now is the time to face your lies
Open your eyes, open your mind
Proud like a God don’t pretend to be blind
Trapped in yourself, break out instead
Beat the machine that works in your head
(Guano Apes, Open Your Eyes)

Godot has just arrived

As I arrived yesterday from the seaside, my mind was strolling away to decisions - and the necessity and freedom to take them. Most of us live our lives in a sort of expectation. We all wait for Godot, mom and dad, or somebody to come and deliver us from the difficulty of thinking for ourselves and take responsibility for what we decide, instead of finally understanding that nobody will come, that we are still alone with ourselves, mostly in the crucial moments, and that we should be happy for this freedom, cherish it in us and stick to our decisions once we know what we want.

Cheers! and don't waste this summer - be it in Vama Veche, in the mountains or in your office.

As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up,
When September ends.

Summer has come and passed.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up,
When September ends.
(Green Day, When September Ends)