We have reached a meaning

I’ve written before about things you cannot say – nor otherwise express. We cannot say what we mean unless we do it and sometimes it is better to keep some things untouched by words unless we mean them.

Slowly, the Sundance Kiddo Blog has reached its initial purpose – to bail me out of a world I had gotten into by accident. It has done so over the past two years – helped me to clarify my thoughts and make sense of a world I had thought of bigger than my grasp. Some of the happenings I’ve written about here are so dissolved into words, that sometimes I cannot remember what shelf to put them on, or what they were really referring to in the real world.

It was a good journey.

And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
(Leona Lewis, Bleeding Love)

Flying to Maramures

This evening I am flying towards the north of the country. Hopefully the weather will be fine.

Take me and break me and close all your windows and doors.

Shut me off, cut me off, make me an island, I'm yours.

Take me away from the world, take me away from the girls.

Take me and break me and make me an island, I'm yours

(Joe Dolan, Make me an island)

Just discovered Twistori

Twistori is close to being brilliant.

To serve all, but love only one

“The motto of chivalry is also the motto of wisdom; to serve all, but love only one.”
Honore de Balzac

This quote inspired my day yesterday. In trying to understand it, I first thought this was a love quote, one pertaining to the knights only loving the lady of their hearts, but behaving in a knightly manner with all others (kinda the “Lady in distress – let’s help” style). But how could this be the motto of wisdom as well? Whom does wisdom love, whom does wisdom serve, other than the intellectual needs of the narcissistic self? And above all, should we go for the mystical interpretation, does wisdom really love God – as might be implied?

Maybe this is what is meant through “love only one”. That wisdom has the kindness to share, to give away – be it knowledge, or compassion, or understanding, or help when it is needed. But, like us all, it needs strength to hold on to. This can be faith, or love, or a person… a guiding light towards which we strive. It also means to be loyal to a purpose – or to that one person or concept we behold as the centre of our ambitions.

But how many of us really live this way?

And this is where I find
Rays of dust that wrap around your citizen
Kind enough to disavow
And this is where I stand
(RHCP, Stadium Arcadium)

Teach me how to live

Over the past weekend the first awakening, with mountains and dear people around. One can not make the same choice twice, for the simple reason that contexts take time to change. Repeating a choice is a limitation imposed to oneself because of lack of inspiration or maybe due to risk-aversion. As for myself, I still believe that in making a choice you assume a responsibility. And it is not the choices most people ditch - it is the responsibilities. In avoiding them, one takes a series of short-lived directions, never knowing where the road may lead, and abandons the path as soon as the responsibilities seem to elude the possibilities. "And so we move on, boats against the current..."

Counting the incompleteness of the self

In the past days, a statistical wave went over me, and I started to count the people I know. That is, indexing the people on my business mobile phone, my personal one, LinkedIn, FaceBook, Xing, YMessenger etc. The conclusion is that I have personally met and randomly stayed in contact with around 850 people. Out of these, it is less than 20 that I have talked to face to face in the past month, less than 10 who are close to me on a personal level and less than 5 that I would wake up in the middle of the night for.

That is some scary statistics. But then again, incompleteness of the self demands for completion through others :)

PS: Last evening on the streets of Bucharest there were some ladies cleaning the streets, probably gipsies. Brooming and stuff. One of them had stopped working and was writing an SMS.

We got it together didn't we
We definitely got our thing together don't we baby
Isn't that nice
I mean really, when you really sit and think about it
Isn't it really, really nice
I could easily feel myself slipping more and more away to
That simple world of my own
Nobody but you and me
We got it together baby
(Barry White, My First, My Last, My Everything)

Complexity of women rediscovered

Conversation with our program manager yesterday:

PM: You must understand this is a complex client: the deadlines are changing, the scope of the project is changing, the deliverables are changing...
The Sundancer: That's why they say women are complex...