Buon giorno, principessa!

Sometimes, we are hurt by the bare image of dawn descending, or the tip of a sun-ray touching some dry roses left over from the last birthday we celebrated with them... the eternal “them” who hurt us, maybe unknowingly or maybe as a demonstration of power. Either by saying the words, by not saying the words, by mumbling the wrong sentences or murmuring too many of the right ones, it is the great unknown “them” we share our lives with who have the greatest power to hurt us, of all.

So how do we escape the land of despair? One of you must keep the emotional balance and continue to feel. The moment both are lost behind the wall of so-called protection, chances are that you are going to lose one another, and develop deep seated depressions you will hardly find a way out of. Instead of remaining bruised and indulging in the thought that loneliness will grow fruit, choose to live in the sun. Yes, there are small happenings, here and then, when you think that maybe you would have been better off if you had not reached out at all. Just think of the costs, for a second. If we accept that the purpose of our lives is to be happy – and make others happy, as well, then we will also accept consequences such as the inevitable hurt more easily.

I believe that the warmth in our hearts can help hidden hearts also see the sun.

I will meet you at the Blue Cafe
Because, this is where the one who knows
Meets the one who does not care
The cards of fate
The older shows
To the younger one, who dares to take
The chance of no return
Where have you been?
Where are you going to?
I want to know what is new
I want to go with you
(Chris Rea, The Blue Cafe)

Woman. Warrior. Queen.

It is so strange how alone one finds oneself in moments most wholesome. How in the split of a second you find yourself distanced from every one and everything around you. These are the moments of truth, of facing yourself as you are, those brief splits in time when you see yourself in everybody around you and would rather run away, than to see again and again the same I you would like to avoid – even if it were for one batting of eyelashes.

So it happens that, to be a part of others again, you must give up a part of yourself in lonely times you need not account to anybody for.

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone

you don't know how long i have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
(Heart, Alone)

Meet me tonight in Atlantic City

We all have our playgrounds. Some of us are the founders of companies we run with passion and determination. Others like teaching and dedicate lives to making others understand. There are people I know who play dancing in different discos every night, others who carefully ponder personal issues or job switches. In a certain sense, they are all playing, even when they think are taking things seriously.

This is good indeed – it helps with keeping up childhood in us and increases a sort of self imposed confidence that, within the boundaries we set for ourselves, all will be well.

Making the time
Find the right lines
To make you stay forever
What do I have to tell you
I'm just trying to hold on to something
(Jon Secada, Just Another Day)

Rains keep falling or so it seems

The future rises above us with an avalanche of impossibilities we feel the need to solve. So many unknown things await us, so much unfamiliarity and yet so much joy in discovering the new worlds. And again there comes pain, the bitter follower of uncertain steps, to bite with sharp teeth into the sand castles you architect inside your head.

Sometimes the acute perception of time seems to overwhelm every bit of self conscious thought you have. Sometimes you feel frightened and sometimes confident, the least of times in harmony with yourself and eager for change. And yet, not opening a door limits your possibilities by thousands and fearing what might come can only build another brick in the wall of despair. So why not take a risk? There is nothing to fear in darkness, as there is nothing to fear in yourself. It is the songs that remain unsung that keep us away from mystery.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
(Hoobastank, The Reason)

How many lives must still be taken?...

The problem is not the Koran, nor the Torah or the Bible. The problem is never the faith, but the faithful and how they behave towards each other.
Kofi Annan

Let me down and you will convince me

Oh the taste of tea, the sweet, milk-sugary taste that you wish would last forever... You want to drink more and more of it and make it find no end. It's the same with disappointment, happiness, or loss. Sometimes you dip so deep, indulge in its nearness, almost drown within the warm walls of the feeling, that are so near you can almost touch them. You make them all stare at you, while you either beam or show a happy face, just proud to feel anything at all – and keen to show you do.

Nobody will believe you unless you let them down. Say nothing of where you are and what you feel, and they will leave their snowdrop heads down, as if no water had come to them for days. Make yourself disappear, it's a common form of disappointing. Show you are cool, and they will think you have forsaken them. Bestow no detail of you upon them, and they will frown when you do, because they will not know how much of yourself you have left for them to cut to imagination. And to all our dismay, imagination has the utter talent of exploring all non-happening variants, and so provides tons of feeling material and long, bittery sweet taste.

How deep and strong a faith must one have to even dare to think everything will work out fine?

Hold on, hold on, my brother.
My sister, hold on tight.
I finally got my orders.
I’ll be marching through the morning,
Marching through the night,
Moving cross the borders
Of My Secret Life.
(Leonard Cohen, In My Secret Life)

Closing Times

More than once have I heard the famous “A kick in the ass helps you go one step forward”. I guess that plays an important role in my New Year's resolutions for this year. On the 31st I opened a small notebook with certain decisions – or simply things to do in 2008, certain circles that need to be closed, people to be visited and sights to be seen. Among others, I asked myself what to do with the blog, and decided to still keep it as a companion, while trying to objectify the experiences more.

After much struggle and uncertainty, this will be a good year. For all of us.

Frodo: ... I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
(Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)