He said: what? She said: You.

Just had a brief look at my calendar: starting with the end of March I will be out of the country for almost three weeks, which is the longest time I’ve spent away from my dear ones in a long time. Hm, guess I will need to prepare for that.

Meanwhile, I am getting more and more hold of the opportunities presence in social networks can bring. Be it LinkedIn (more business-oriented), Xing (business network, mainly German and bordering regions), Facebook (I’m new to this one, still need to check it out) or Twitter (have been enjoying some posts there in a while), they all have the same purpose: getting people to connect and interact more than ever. Just being there does not attract attention – moving about does. Lately, both LinkedIn and Facebook have added Twitter-like status editing possibilities. If you are not an uber-busy business person, you may now want to tell your network what concerns you, what you are reading, what you are thinking about. Really useful, especially if these things will get to be indexed in some manner and create trails for people who are interested in you to follow. On the other hand, this immense knowledge repository will at some point become dangerous, with lots of personal info that can be used as marketing databases or for identity fraud.

Sooner or later I have the feeling this can be big, especially with more and more people using the networks. I am still amazed some of my friends do not enter the online game that has us all entangled.

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
(Mika, Happy Ending)

Deci, ce vroiam sa zic...

Mediul corporatist romanesc este toropit de standardizare. Vorbind cu un prieten mai demult, ii spuneam ca poate mergem cu totii la traininguri ca sa invatam vocabularul de lemn care sa ne permita sa ne intelegem unii cu altii. La nivel de limbaj, avem cateva formulari fara de care banuiesc ca am invata cu totii limbajul semnelor. Sau am folosi o alta formula consacrata: “N-am cuvinte”. Sau am zice “Mai gad! Intelegi ce vreau sa zic”. Sincer… nu :)

Fata ce sa mai atata tot... Ai ma. Hai, vorbim. Sunteti scumpi. Mersi draga esti o dulce. Pupici. Sarutari de maini doamnei. Ma leshi. Inteleg inteleg. Da, sunt cu tine. Te urmaresc. Am o mica nelamurire. Am nevoie de o explicatie pentru asta. Maine ie dedlain. Sa fim pe aceeasi pagina. Da-mi un fidbec. Mama ce tare. Superbeton. Marfa frate, iti spun. Tre sa mergi la hasher. Deci, da. Desteapta treaba. Ce dracu, suntem buni. Sa se chinuie si ei un pic. Misto, frate, stii ca iti ziceam eu. La valoarea ta… Vorbim. Care e relevanta? Kilu meu. Stiu ca poti mai mult de atata. Bine ca esti tu destept. Te poooop.

Later edit: S-a cancelat intalnirea?

PS: Gasiti cateva exemple faine si la Florin, aici.

Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense.
(Mika, My Interpretation)

A long time ago I got an ace of hearts

In the past few days I've been watching the series "Californication". The star of the show is David Duchovny, a female-addicted-dunno-where-to head-my life-to uninspired writer who struggles between his own fantasies and a boheme LA existence. At some point, he disappoints his 12-year daughter (again), so she tells him “You know, you can expect a lot from people. And if they consistently let you down, then the best you can tell them is Fuck you.”

This also goes for all the rest of the people who disappoint us. Consistently and knowingly.

You said that love was just a state of mind
A puzzle made of pieces you can't find
And for me you never really had the time
I was blind.
(A1, Caught in the Middle)

Keep walking and have a drink

Last night I stayed in the office longer than usual. There was some research to do and I played some Pink Martini – I usually listen to music only in my headphones, but this time there were only a few colleagues left in the office and they did not seem bothered. One of them even told me the music was great and really worth listening to, as compared to their usual trance or house distractions. Somehow I felt this was a good step on connecting. Music really does bring people together. (So does walking in the evening Bucharest after a nice drink ;) )

Well anyway, these days held a bit of depression, as some more things are changing around me. Only now do I get used to my recent job change, and it seems that my plans for the next year will also need some re-think. When change happens permanently, on professional and personal level, it starts getting a bit annoying. Yes, one can adapt and yes, it is recommendable to be able to adapt, but sometimes it can become alienating. Each one of us can only take a definite amount of change around, and when suddenly half a world (or what seems like it) tumbles, then we are at best left confused about what is going on.

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you’ll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something’s coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead
(Pink Martini, Hang On Little Tomato)

Somehow you make it better

Most of the people who write blogs do so, I gather, either because they are selfish exhibitionist ass-holes who don’t find a soul in the real world to listen to them anymore, or simply because their writing ambitions have been killed off at some point – maybe by the need to earn a “decent” piece of bread, or maybe they thought they were not good enough for the part. I find myself in none of the categories, though maybe some of you who do read me have another opinion. Two years ago, when I started blogging, I was trying to cure an advanced phase of workaholism, which I’m sure hasn’t passed for good. Even now, most of the posts I write are based in some way or the other on my work, although I try not to give out any real names or point to any *real* seeming situations. Most of the times, the posts are some kind of dumb attempts to fix broken things – be it in my life, or in other’s lives. Sometimes, they are even a good replacement for it.

There were evenings when, on returning from either work or getting drunk with friends, I thought that I should finish the blog – just tell you that the fun is over and delete all the posts – but couldn’t help myself not to. In some way, it keeps alive one of the things I’m thinking about doing sometime in future: writing. And so I move on, boat against the current, excelling and finding an own sort of happiness in words never spoken.

A silly girl with silly ways I hear this I'm pitiful
I'll be that girl can you give me the strength to be free

Lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me
Keep lifting me I don't know how you do it but it's lifting me, yeah
(The Corrs, Lifting Me)

Litany against Fear

We fear many things – that we won’t get the right mark in our exams, that we will not be loved, that the ones we care about will die, that we will not get that promotion we wanted so badly and worked for... We do not admit to fearing, because fear gives birth to uncertainty, and our actions may look less composed if there are cracks in our armours.

So how do you take away the fear? Is it with love, the tender warm care that keeps you focused on the other and forgetful about the demons? Or is it by self-righteous forgetting, the long hours spent in looking at the shadows projected on empty walls. A long time ago, I took a long walk in the night of a foreign city, when I faced all the demons in my head and gave each one of them a name. They were in reach of my hand, and each time I tried to turn my face away, they re-appeared, endlessly multiplied by my ardent imagination. My fear of darkness died that night, and maybe there was more calmness in the way I saw the world from then on, knowing that demons can only tempt you and not take anything from you, if you don’t let them.

Anyway, of late I have noticed how many people still fear – fear itself, or maybe what they fear might happen (or not), pouring their energies into defenses so frail it could make the real fear burst into laughter. There is little we can do to to help others step outside their little castles built to fend off fear. What might work is to receive them into our lives with no expectations and letting our own fear of closeness go.

Chiquitita, tell me whats wrong
Youre enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that youre oh so sad, so quiet
(ABBA, Chiquitita)

Just like honey

When people sleep close to one another, are the dreams they dream the same? And if they are not, do they see one another from their dreams and wave? Or do the dreams fight one another to stay private? Or even more so, do dreams compete to be special and be dreamt?

The morning sun is in my eyes
It doesn't hide the lines
It does not bare
A great disguise
Happy birthday baby
Happy birthday
(The Cranberries, Every Morning)