What goes on inside

A contribution to my understanding of the games people play was recently made in a conversation involving the dynamics of argumentation. I bet you have been in discussions with your friends, when everything seemed to be good up to the point when two or more of the people started an argument – seemingly out of no reason. If you have not followed the discussion closely, it is nearly impossible to make sense of the misunderstanding. Arguments of a logical nature are excluded at first – in the heat of battle, all will react to emotions and in no way to logical explanations. You might find it useful to apply the prosecutor – victim – saviour paradigm to understand such situations. It goes like this (hope I got this one right... :)): somebody plays the “prosecutor” and nags at the self esteem, values or otherwise exerts aggression upon the “victim”. Depending on the way this person reacts to the situation, it might stop or perpetuate. In case the “victim” takes on the role and acts hurt, she or he may be asking for a saviour – somebody to offer comfort from the painful situation. This “saviour” may be embodied in the “prosecutor” or may be an outside part who will then be in conflict with the “prosecutor” - and the roles will yet perpetuate.

The idea in writing about this is there are no fixed ways to deal with a stressful and potentially conflictual relationship. You might understand them in different paradigms – but always choose the one you feel comfortable in. Should the tension exceed limits, try to take some time physically away to clear your thoughts, before making an attempt at solving it or deciding on a more appropriate solution.

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
(Jewel, Hands)