Old habits get worn off

Seeing somebody from my past almost always brings back good memories, and having them around sparks very inspiring discussions. You might say I am a nostalgic, but sometimes I like dipping in the years gone by and try to find a meaning in them, a red line that leads to an ending. It is not always this way. Past really is only what we make of it... and sometimes it makes no sense. There are people who have meant something special to you at some point or the other, and later on, when you lose them, you try to find a meaning in their presence. There even can be one at times, but remember even that is deceiving. People and things only bear the symbols you invest them with. A necklace I have got from a friend will only signify for me the good memories and times I have enjoyed with this friend. My mum's photo holding my dog will take me back to the moments when we had the dog and it woke me up by licking my face in the morning :)

The point is: although it's nice to walk the shadows of past, hooking into it can make you lose grips with everyday reality. My experience has showed me that living the moment provides for the brightest memories, and that past is no place to live in.

We haven't spoken in months

You see i've been counting the days

I dream of such humanities, such insanities

I'm lost like a kid and i'm late

But i've never taken your coats

Haven't no block on my phone

I act like an addict, i just got to have it

I can never just leave it alone

(Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart, Old Habits Die Hard)

Me? To sew and iron?

My first newspaper article (back in the days.. :)) was about a street ad featuring a smart-looking blonde in a suit, who sat and looked daringly into the camera. Above her you could read "Eu? Sa cos si sa calc?" ("Me? To sew and iron?"). The obvious idea was that she would never-ever-in-a-million-years-touch-those-despicable-instruments, and it was one that spread very fast. The modern woman has no time for sewing - let's face it, she is much too busy advancing her career or going to the gym to do (any) kind of housework. I made copious fun of the smart-dressed (possibly a consultant? :) ) girl in that article, quoting an old couple who stood looking at the ad: “Pai ar cam trebui, mai fata...” (“You kinda should, lassie...”) This is actually a reproach I've been hearing a lot – that we women are now so emancipated we hell don't have clue about what a (sewing) needle is and how to use it. Plus, it is said that we have no desire to cook and to see to a partner's well-being, our only wild ambition being to climb the social ladder and hit the poor losers who follow us with our high heels in the head and then have a glorious laugh at winning the battle of sexes.

Well, please allow me to disappoint you and blow up my own myth. In this historical evening it was I who spent two (2) whole hours fighting my way with a needle through a pair of trousers and then ironing them. O gods! Could it be that I am no capitalistic ladder-climber and instead an old spinster in disguise? Huh, if this were the only criteria, maybe I could make it to the pantheon of traditionalist relics. I'll keep you posted on this one anyway, for Thursday I've planned cooking for friends, so perhaps I will qualify, after all... :)

Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills

Always 50/50 in relationships

(Destiny's Child, Independent Women)

My green hour in Green Hours

There is some good jazz over this weekend in Green Hours, Afro Cuba Blues tonight and Eldad Tarmu Chamber Jazz Ensemble tomorrow evening.

Later edit: Because of the rain, my green hours turned Kilkenny Red in Terminus. Will I be more lucky tomorrow evening?

By the way, did you know what the origin of "green hours" is? The green hour is the time interval after 17.00, when for the Brits it was a time for relaxation, listening to music and talking, up to the dinner that was scheduled around 19.00.

Do people deserve second chances?

Think about how many times a day you are forgiving yourself. Is it once, twice, every time you screw up? Sometimes you hear that little voice inside your head saying "be less mean" or "don't eat all that chocolate" or "don't allow yourself to be late any more", but you quickly forget and find an excuse for why you did it this time.

When it comes to others, you think before you forgive, or before considering a second chance. Then, after you allow that person back into your life and are again disappointed, you tend to be grudgy and bury the relationship under doubt. When you do, it is with an inner anger that will not go away unless you manage to appease it. It is hard to give second chances, because you fear being hurt again and again, and because you don't see a point in spending time with people who are not worth it.

My experiences with second chances were sometimes good (that is to say, tha glass is half full :)). They were disappointing in the sense of a diminished feeling of affiliation. Also, there were times when I regretted giving the first chance at all.

Why and how we decide to give second chances (or third, or fourth.. ) is a decision each one of us makes, at some point, for different reasons. We may love, or hate, or have been hurt a little, or maybe a lot, but how we respond to this that really matters. To choose between responding with evil to disappointment, or integrating it into our lives and learning to move on, is difficult. It takes emotional education and strength, and there is no standard recipe as to what will work.

Walking back to you
Is the hardest thing that I can do
That I can do for you
For you
(The Jesus and Mary Chain, Just Like Honey)

Looking for the summer

Yesterday was the last summer day. The morning started with chilliness, and by the afternoon it became increasingly cold. I had a meeting at around 18.00 in a wonderful little place close to the office. We wanted to serve the tea outside - and after an hour my naked arms were already freezing. So came autumn, all of a sudden, letting me wonder how the summer had gone by - and if it had existed at all...

And still I stand this very day
With a burning wish to fly away
I'm still looking
Looking for the summer
(Chris Rea, Looking for the summer)

Smart or very smart?

My boss said something today that intrigued me: "There is a distance between being smart and being very smart". Humm. Great - but what is that distance and how do you measure it? Or at least, how do you quantify a person's smarts? (Do you even want to?)

"Smartness" is about situations, not people. Think Forrest Gump.

Examples:
A very bright informatics student is "very smart" in class; in his behaviour towards his girlfriend he can be less than smart.
Someone who makes money for his own benefit is smart; if he can bring business for more people, he is very smart.
An implementation consultant is very smart in his area of expertise but can only deliver a smart answer in other ERPs, for example.

That girl's a different girl today
Said that girl's a different girl to her you kissed last night
You couldn't have done that on a Sunday

Last night what we talked about
It made so much sense
But now the haze has ascended
It don't make no sense anymore
(Arctic Monkeys, From the Ritz to the Rubble)

I'll go wherever you will go

Tonight just a short post about a song I used to love and only listen to now from time to time... Do we really want to go wherever someone else goes? It might might be nice to take them on a trip to France, to go with them to a concert or take them out to a beer. But how much sense does it make to follow them in the direction of their own aspirations and dreams, if this means the suppression of one's own ideals?

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
(The Calling, I'll Go Wherever You May Go)