My green hour in Green Hours

There is some good jazz over this weekend in Green Hours, Afro Cuba Blues tonight and Eldad Tarmu Chamber Jazz Ensemble tomorrow evening.

Later edit: Because of the rain, my green hours turned Kilkenny Red in Terminus. Will I be more lucky tomorrow evening?

By the way, did you know what the origin of "green hours" is? The green hour is the time interval after 17.00, when for the Brits it was a time for relaxation, listening to music and talking, up to the dinner that was scheduled around 19.00.

Do people deserve second chances?

Think about how many times a day you are forgiving yourself. Is it once, twice, every time you screw up? Sometimes you hear that little voice inside your head saying "be less mean" or "don't eat all that chocolate" or "don't allow yourself to be late any more", but you quickly forget and find an excuse for why you did it this time.

When it comes to others, you think before you forgive, or before considering a second chance. Then, after you allow that person back into your life and are again disappointed, you tend to be grudgy and bury the relationship under doubt. When you do, it is with an inner anger that will not go away unless you manage to appease it. It is hard to give second chances, because you fear being hurt again and again, and because you don't see a point in spending time with people who are not worth it.

My experiences with second chances were sometimes good (that is to say, tha glass is half full :)). They were disappointing in the sense of a diminished feeling of affiliation. Also, there were times when I regretted giving the first chance at all.

Why and how we decide to give second chances (or third, or fourth.. ) is a decision each one of us makes, at some point, for different reasons. We may love, or hate, or have been hurt a little, or maybe a lot, but how we respond to this that really matters. To choose between responding with evil to disappointment, or integrating it into our lives and learning to move on, is difficult. It takes emotional education and strength, and there is no standard recipe as to what will work.

Walking back to you
Is the hardest thing that I can do
That I can do for you
For you
(The Jesus and Mary Chain, Just Like Honey)

Looking for the summer

Yesterday was the last summer day. The morning started with chilliness, and by the afternoon it became increasingly cold. I had a meeting at around 18.00 in a wonderful little place close to the office. We wanted to serve the tea outside - and after an hour my naked arms were already freezing. So came autumn, all of a sudden, letting me wonder how the summer had gone by - and if it had existed at all...

And still I stand this very day
With a burning wish to fly away
I'm still looking
Looking for the summer
(Chris Rea, Looking for the summer)

Smart or very smart?

My boss said something today that intrigued me: "There is a distance between being smart and being very smart". Humm. Great - but what is that distance and how do you measure it? Or at least, how do you quantify a person's smarts? (Do you even want to?)

"Smartness" is about situations, not people. Think Forrest Gump.

Examples:
A very bright informatics student is "very smart" in class; in his behaviour towards his girlfriend he can be less than smart.
Someone who makes money for his own benefit is smart; if he can bring business for more people, he is very smart.
An implementation consultant is very smart in his area of expertise but can only deliver a smart answer in other ERPs, for example.

That girl's a different girl today
Said that girl's a different girl to her you kissed last night
You couldn't have done that on a Sunday

Last night what we talked about
It made so much sense
But now the haze has ascended
It don't make no sense anymore
(Arctic Monkeys, From the Ritz to the Rubble)

I'll go wherever you will go

Tonight just a short post about a song I used to love and only listen to now from time to time... Do we really want to go wherever someone else goes? It might might be nice to take them on a trip to France, to go with them to a concert or take them out to a beer. But how much sense does it make to follow them in the direction of their own aspirations and dreams, if this means the suppression of one's own ideals?

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
(The Calling, I'll Go Wherever You May Go)

Environmental experiences

Has it ever happened to you to have things occur which you did not expect and did not particularly like, either? Although we are a generation which demands to be in control and has the illusion of being able to do it, we are so weak and lousy at finding a thread. Many of us live for the moment, with little thought as to what future may bring. And when we find ourselves in the future, we have no idea what to do with it.

We write about ourselves and our experiences in blogs and listen to music which, we think, mirrors ourselves. We ride high up on our corporate horses and switch between jobs as if we were at the stock exchange and needed to buy ourselves more and more shares of life... when in fact all we need to do is dip in it as deeply as possible and forget to live for ourselves, living for the others instead. There is so much suffering and so much emotion hidden in each of us, that we forget the very same thing happens to the near and the dear ones... and thus the sadness goes on under the layer of apparent happiness.

A line in a film I've recently seen said: "You always die alone". I think you die when the other people in yourself miss the chance of being there with you.

You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
and crush it till the petals fall...
(Michael Buble, You always hurt the one you love)

Times of your life

Outside it's raining cats and dogs and I am waiting for my friend to arrive. I only see her once a year (she lives in Germany) and we always create unique moments when she's here. In some way, my life is sized up between her two arrivals. It's funny, cutting slices of life between moments :) and having those wonderful, wonderful times of talking, getting up to date with our lives, getting drunk, going to bed at 4 in the morning, dancing and feeling sunny like a summer's day.

Schni Schna Schnappi
Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp
Schni Schna Schnappi
Schnappi Schnappi Schnapp
(Schnappi, Das kleine Krokodil)